4 scores and 2 weeks ago

2 weeks ago, the day before 2 days from now, we started baby birthing classes. We actually signed up kind of late.  You're supposed to enroll in the first trimester and take the class in your second trimester.  We didn't actually register until mid-second trimester and now we're in the middle of our third trimester.  Classes are available weekly for 6 weeks or for two 8-hour Saturday sessions.  We didn't think we'd be able to sit still for 8 hours straight for two Saturdays, so we went with the weekly class.  Every week both me and Victoria (Victoria and me (Victoria and I)) kind of dread going to class, but it's never really that bad.  Plus it's right outside the baby showcase room in the hospital. It's outside the baby viewing area, and we get to see new babies each week.  It's kind of awesome, not it's definitely awesome.  I thought I'd post some things we learned, so this post will be what we learned from the first week of these classes with what we have learned in the consecutive classes to be blogged about some time in the near future.  I won't share all of my notes, just the most surprising things we learned in class.  The instructor is funny, not intentionally, but funny nonetheless.  For those of you who have seen the movie Office Space, she reminds me of the horrible boss guy.  Her catchphrase is "Yeah...so...anyways..."  She says it in the middle of her own sentences.  I guess it's better than "uh" or "um", but maybe not.  Yeah, so, anyways, back to Caleb's notes...let me clarify that she was discussing anatomy when he started taking notes.  I'm pretty sure she was discussing being pregnant and giving birth. I'll try to decipher as we go...

-Apparently all pregnant women are forced to sleep in a recliner I'm not sure who enforces this, but it is true. This is to combat indigestion, or is it to get some alone time from seemingly annoying dads?

-When you are pregnant both your intestines and your bladder literally vanish. The uterus in the picture was so big it covered some crucial organs; I'm pretty sure our teacher said the baby absorbs these crucial organs only to be regrown by the mother later on, which means they disappear.

-For some reason when you are pregnant all of your bookshelves break. No idea here.  I guess we'll find out in a little over a month.  It's a good thing we don't have too many bookshelves.

-It is a good thing to drop the baby head first. Prior to it being born (this was never specified).

-Pregnant women have to do puzzles to deliver the baby. The pieces of the puzzle are the different signs of labor.

-Exercise balls take the pressure off of having the baby. She says weird things sometimes.

-Pregnant women are only allowed to eat crackers.  I don't remember this, but I do remember she said the hospital won't let you eat so you should wait as long as possible to go to the hospital.

-Electrolytes are what plants crave. BRAWNDO.

-Pregnant people stay tan forever. What? That's what she said, It's not a lie.

-When you're having a baby, the odor smells like vanilla and raspberries. Ice cream sounds really good right now.  With strawberries on top.

-Signs of labor is when birds come over and lay eggs everywhere around your house. I don't want to feed my baby chewed up worms, nor do I want to chew up worms.  See previous comment.

-Pregnant women need pickle jars in order to deliver. She really did say something like this, and it still makes no sense, (We should have registered for some pickle jars).

-Gotta catch them all. I'm pretty sure I said this, but at least he's paying attention.  I actually think Pokemon said this, but whatever

-Pregnant women can kill their hair, which is odd because it's already dead. Hooray science.

-Pregnant women should watch mercury in water. She said we should eat at least 12 ounces of fish weekly after saying we shouldn't eat more than 12 ounces of fish.

-Pregnant women shouldn't smoke sea food. I'm pretty sure pregnant women shouldn't smoke at all, but sea food especially.  

I'm not sure what Victoria put is what the teacher meant when i was taking notes, but she did say these things, or something close to them.